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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23819074">"Self-Hating Asshole"</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsab/pseuds/itsab'>itsab</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cheating, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Parent Tony Stark, Swearing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:54:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23819074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsab/pseuds/itsab</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Y/N was at Tony's side for years, until she wasn't.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tony Stark/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>"Self-Hating Asshole"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The reader is a female, and there are mentions of cheating.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Tony!” Y/N gasped out, as the large wooden door of the penthouse apartment, finally swung open. “Where have you been?” The was a clear panic in the words spoken. Looking at her billionaire boyfriend, long-time friend, and employer, Y/N noticed he was dressed casually, looked rumpled, and was holding his own luggage. The man had a meeting in twenty minutes, that he was probably going to be late for, because he’d have to completely change his outfit! Tony Stark had been ‘missing’ for days, having not returned on his private jet three days ago, like he was scheduled to. “Do you know how worried I’ve been?”</p><p>She nearly dropped her things, as she went to run over to him, but Tony he’d his hand up to stop her. Throughout this small exchange, he didn’t look directly at the woman in front of him, “I’ve been in Miami. I had an appearance, remember?” The slightly-shorter-than-average man wandered over to the entry-way’s side-table, trying to act casually. There, he abandoned his bag, and simply stood there, looking unnaturally morose.</p><p>“That was a week ago, Tony! You were supposed to be back days ago!” Y/N held her phone in one hand, and her leather-bound diary in the other. She quickly went through Tony’s schedule, making sure what was written was correct. Being Tony’s assistant hadn’t happened on purpose for her. Originally, they two been childhood friends, but as they grew older he’d needed someone to handle his personal affairs, and she’d been the silly one who’d offered to help. That had been several years ago, and the two had formed a romantic relationship somewhere along the way. “Uh-huh! See, right here!” She pointed to a certain area in her diary, before glancing up at him, “You were supposed to arrive here, at eleven o’clock-” The girl cut herself off, as her eyes locked onto a small mark on Tony, “Is-Is that lipstick on your collar?” Her words were whispered, and clear tears were already beginning to build in the corner of her eyes.</p><p>Tony still couldn’t look Y/N in the eyes, refusing to face the woman as she stared at him in horror. “Y/N…”</p><p>“Tell me you didn’t, not again.”</p><p>“Y/N…” He trailed off, as if searching for something to say, but he wasn’t able to find anything.</p><p>The woman didn’t bother pretending she was interested in what he had to say, “Don’t.” If he did, this would be the second time he’d cheated on her. She’d forgiven his first offence, as he’d been incredibly drunk, and it had been fairly early into their relationship… but they’d been ‘together’ nearly a year at this point… “You have a meeting in twenty minutes, with your executives, Mr Stark.”</p><p>Those words were like a physical attack on Tony, his body reacting to the cold words. He was violently jarred from his frozen state. “Y/N… please.” He wanted to say so much, but he came up empty yet again.</p><p>She didn’t look at him once, as she dropped both her phone and the diary at his feet, on her way out of that door.</p><hr/><p>“Mum?”</p><p>“What?” Y/N had been in the process of writing on her computer, when she’d heard the voice of her only child call out to her. In her office door-way was her daughter of ten years, and she looked unhappy. “Baby girl, what’s going on? Are you alright?”</p><p>The young girl was silent for many moments, before she asked, “Do I… Do I have a dad?”</p><p>Y/N was shocked by the question. Her little girl had never asked about her father, at any point in her life, despite the glaringly obvious fact she desperately wanted to. “Sweetie, why do you, uh, want to know?” The grown woman was trying to be careful with her words, not wanting to make it too obvious she didn’t want to talk about him.</p><p>Her daughter’s eyes didn’t meet her own. “I was reading a book…” Her little girl was very smart, and read several years above her age level, “And, the person in the book, their mother took them from her dad, because he was a mean man… Did you do that with me? Is that why I don’t have a dad? Or… Or, is it because my dad didn’t want me?”</p><p>Y/N swiftly stood up, then ran to embrace her daughter, who was obviously trying not to cry, “Darling, no!” She gasped the words into her daughter’s dark hair, after she’d enclosed the girl in her arms. “My beautiful girl, your father doesn’t know about you… We ended our relationship long before I ever knew about you.” Y/N said the words sadly, causing her daughter to wonder if she was just as upset as her, about not having her dad in her life. “I know you want to know about him, because you’re just as curious as he is, but he doesn’t know anything about us, or our lives.” She paused before she said, “We don’t need him, sweetie, we just need each other.” Despite her strong words, her smart daughter heard the underlying pain in her mother’s words.</p><p>Later that night, the young Y/L thought of what kind of man her father might be. She wondered if he still loved her mother, as much as she clearly still loved him… She had so many questions, that all went unanswered. Eventually, though, the young girl decided she needed to find her father, if not for her, then for the mother who did anything and everything for her.</p><hr/><p>Her hunt for her father began slowly, at first, as she had no hints as to who he was. She could ask those who knew her mother, but wasn’t sure how she’d track them down, as her mother rather kept to herself… In the end, Y/N’s daughter did a very Y/N thing, and decided to meticulously comb the photo-albums her mother kept on the top shelf of the bookcase – the ones she wasn’t allowed to look in.</p><p>The first album she looked through ended up being a large, green-leather album, which originally belonged to her grandparents. There wasn’t much in there, apart from old family photos, none going past her mother’s ninth birthday. The next album was pink-sparkled, and held all her mother’s photos of her – ranging from the first ultrasound, to her latest birthday and achievements.</p><p>The third album was where she hit gold. All the photographs from that album contained a man, or rather; a young boy who grew up through the photos. He was always at her mother’s side. The two looked chummy as children, and later on in the album, the two often embraced in a very romantic fashion. A few of the pictures were actually newspaper clippings, with headlines still attached to them, as well as the dates of their release. One in particular, caught her attention… It was of her mother, dressed to the nines, on a red carpet, holding onto the arm of the man who appeared in many of these photos. Y/N looked so happy, smiling up at the man, who in turn was returning the happy smile. The headline was about some gala, but there was an attached paragraph, which mention how ‘Tony Stark and his girlfriend/assistant, were the belles of the ball’…</p><p>The date on the photograph made it easy for the young girl to trace backwards, making sure what she already knew to be true, fit logically.</p><p>Tony Stark was her father.</p><hr/><p>“Excuse me, little one, can I help you?” The question came from a rather loud, blonde man with long-ish hair. He was walking down the same corridor that the young girl was walking down, only he was coming from the opposite direction. He looked amused to see the ten-year-old there, but that was probably because he knew she shouldn’t have been able to make it this far up Stark Tower – she should have been stopped by security ages ago… so, logically, Thor (Asgardian God of Thunder) was both intrigued and entertained.</p><p>The girl nodded, happy to finally see someone who looked like they knew where they were going, “Yes, please, sir.” It had been an incredible effort on her end, sneaking past guards, equipping a rudimentary signal jammer to help, just to get into the building. Her young self hadn’t given a single thought to the fact she had no idea where she was going. “I’m looking for Mr Stark.” The girl, who was dressed in a school uniform (probably due to the fact she’d snuck out of school after an hour, to travel there), was holding a frog-themed umbrella in one hand, and (to Thor) a bunch of odd metal in the other (this was her rudimentary signal jammer). On her back was her school-bag. “Do you know where he is?”</p><p>Thor smiled widely at the girl, “Yes I do, little one! He is in the laboratories!” He vaguely gestured down, hinting that these labs where a few stories below their current floor. “Shall I escort you there, little one?” The loud man offered happily, seeming not-at-all concerned by her odd device, or presence. When she nodded thankfully, he extended a muscled arm out to her, suggesting she link her arm through his, so he could escort her. The girl did so. “This way, young princess!” She giggled at this man’s eccentrics.</p><p>On their pleasant walk, down to the R&amp;D labs, the two made conversation about Mjolnir, the large hammer Thor happened to hold in his other hand. Thor wasn’t surprised that the young lady could hold such an intelligent conversation, he was more focussed by the interest she had, in his trustee weapon. “But, what makes you ‘worthy’?”</p><p>Thor let out a raucous laugh, startling those who passed them by, “My dear one, not even I know!” Using the hammer to do so, Thor gently pushed open the door of the main R&amp;D lab, startling Bruce Banner and Tony Stark from their work on Sergeant Bucky Barnes’s bionic arm. “Ah, Stark!” Every syllable seemed to boom from the god, “This child wishes to speak with you!”</p><p>The eyes of the men all turned to the young girl, who now slightly hid behind Thor’s legs.</p><p>Tony, who was wearing large, garish goggles, and holding a small blow-torch, looked at the hiding girl in confusion. “How can I help you?” His words forced the girl to look up at him, allowing him to get full view of her familiar-looking face. “How did you get in here?”</p><p>The girl gently let go of Thor’s pant leg, and stepped out from behind him. She was staring at Tony, almost in awe. “I-I’m Antonia Y/L.” She only answered his first question, as that was the only one she heard, before she was struck dumb, by the face of the man in her mother’s photographs. It was the same one, only older and sadder-looking. The air of happiness she’d seen in the clipping, was gone.</p><p>“As in… As in Y/N Y/L?” Tony’s stuttered response raised the eyebrows of every adult in the room, as they’d never seen him so off-form. The man in question whipped off the goggles he was wearing, and dumped them on the work-station Bucky Barnes was sitting on, shortly followed by the blow-torch he’d been holding. “Is she here?” There was clear excitement, and dread, in his expression. This only fuelled the nosy-intrigue of those who were in attendance.</p><p>“No, she’s not here, right now… But she is my mother.” The ten-year-old Antonia informed Tony Stark bluntly, staring for another moment, before she jolted into action. Quickly, she flicked a switch on her rudimentary signal jammer, effectively turning it off. After this, she shrugged one shoulder, whipping her back-pack around. Antonia shoved the metal object into the front pocket, zipped it closed, then she unzipped the larger pocket, and reached into the bag. She pulled out the last two photo-albums she’d looked through the other day. “Here.” The young girl pushed them into Tony’s hands, “This is my evidence.”</p><p>Bruce Banner, a kind (yet troubled) hero, who’d been silent throughout this exchange, questioned the girl. “Evidence of what, Miss Y/L?”</p><p>She smiled shyly at the kind-eyed man, “It’s proof that Mr Stark might be my father.”</p><hr/><p>Tony Stark thought of Y/N Y/L often.</p><p>He didn’t have the right to do so, especially after what he’d done to her, but he thought of her fondly, anyway. He thought of her gorgeous smile, her boisterous laugh, and Tony also thought of her eyes… The eyes that had refused to look into his own, as she walked out of his life that day.</p><p>It was his fault, entirely. Tony had betrayed her, for the second time. The first she’d forgiven, even though he had not deserved it really, but the second instance was inexcusable to her. That time was a blatant attack to her loyalty and affections. So, she’d left.</p><p>When Tony remembered Y/N, he also thought about the life they could have lived. The one they may have had, if he hadn’t decided to stay in Miami that week, all those years ago… What may have happened, if he hadn’t listened to that devilish woman, who’d happily seduced him into extending his stay? What if he hadn’t been a weak-willed failure? What if he hadn’t lost the only love he’d ever had?</p><p>Perhaps, they’d be married with children, by now. They could have had a beautiful home in outer New York. The two would have moved in after they’d married, probably in the same place her parents had, or perhaps where his own parents had tied the knot… There had been so many ‘what-ifs’ and ‘maybes’ that Tony often tortured himself with.</p><p>As it turns out, they did have a child together – he just hadn’t known of her. Y/N hadn’t told him of their child together, and he understood why. Tony could have sued Y/N, for keeping his daughter from him for all those years, but deep down, Tony Stark felt he’d deserved it. He was the one who’d wittingly thrown their relationship, and their future, away… He was the one who’d forced Y/N into being a single-mother, by treating her so poorly… Tony Stark was the one who’d purposely broken her heart, and he felt she had every right to assume he’d do the same for their child (who, at that point, would have been the resented child of a broken relationship).</p><hr/><p>“So, you live in Queens?” Tony was feeling awkward, as he tried to converse for the first time with his daughter. The father-daughter pair sat in kitchen of Tony’s large apartment within the Stark Tower. Both held a hot-chocolate in their hands, as Tony knew the glass of scotch he wished to drain at that moment, wouldn’t be appropriate to drink in front of his impressionable, young daughter. “Does your mother know you’re here, Antonia?”</p><p>The girl shook her head, “Mum told me that you didn’t know about us, about me, so she never told me who you were. I went looking for you on my own, after I figured it out.” Whilst he looked worried outwardly, inside Tony was impressed by the kid’s moxie. “I skipped school, so I could meet you.”</p><p>This concerned him. The school would surely notice her disappearance, and call Y/N! “FRIDAY? Please get a hold of Miss Y/N Y/L, and insist she come to Stark Tower. Tell her that Antonia is here, and that she is safe.”</p><p>A non-embodied voice answered Tony, “Yes, sir. Shall I tell Miss Y/L that it was you who is informing her?”</p><p>Tony hesitated, genuinely unsure if he should mention it was him who she had skipped school to see. However, he realised it may be obvious it’s him Antonia was with, due to the fact they’re in Stark Tower. “Yes.”</p><p>“Sending the message now, sir.”</p><p>“Thank you, FRIDAY.”</p><p>Antonia sent her father a confused glance, but she didn’t question what the odd voice was. “Mum’s coming here?” Tony nodded, “Okay…” Antonia paused, before blurting out a question, “How come you and mum didn’t stay together?” Her question left Tony without words, “Didn’t you want her anymore?” The ten-year-old’s eyes narrowed, sending an expression to her biological father, that was so similar to her mother’s own questioning look.</p><p>In return, Tony looked away, unable to look into the eyes of his daughter, as he admitted, “I made a wrong decision, and I hurt your mother.”</p><p>Antonia yelped in surprise and anger, “You hit her?”</p><p>“No!” Tony dispelled that thought quickly, as he snapped his head forwards, to look imploringly at his daughter, “I would never hit your mother! …I hurt her emotionally, Antonia. I betrayed her, as well as our relationship.” He looked at his daughter’s face, and knew she didn’t understand what he meant, but she shouldn’t anyway – she’s only ten. “I’ve regretted it every day, since the moment it happened.”</p><p>“Did you apologise?”</p><p>The innocent question warmed his heart, “No. I never apologised, even though she deserved an apology… Your mother is a better person than me, and she deserved better than me. I didn’t apologise, because I knew she deserved more than I could offer.”</p><p>Antonia’s head tilted in confusion. She was about the ask another question, but then noticed her mother standing behind her father. To her, it looked like Y/N had caught their conversation, after rushing over to the tower (which she’d begun to do, even before she’d gotten a message saying to do so), if the tears in her eyes said anything. Looking back to her father’s eyes, Antonia asked why he thought she deserved better than him. “You don’t seem that bad.”</p><p>A chuckle burst out of him. It was hoarse, and obviously self-deprecating, “I’m not a good person, Antonia. Your mum deserves nothing but the best, and I’m not that.”</p><p>“I knew you weren’t, Tony.” Antonia smiled as her mother’s voice shocked her father, making him jump out of his seat to look at her. “I knew every bad thing about you, but I also knew the good.” Y/N levelled him with a sharp look, “You hurt me (twice actually), but both times I thought it was because I wasn’t what you wanted.” Tony went to object, but she cut him off, “Now, I know it was because you’re a self-hating asshole, who thinks he isn’t good enough for me. But that wasn’t your decision to make, Tony. I loved you, completely, flaws and all.”</p><p>Tony shook his head in objection, “No, I wasn’t good enough. I intentionally hurt you, I made you leave! …I’m not a good person, Y/N.”</p><p>Antonia reached out, and grabbed her father’s hand. “You saying all this, and trying to do the right thing-”</p><p>Y/N continued, “It means you’re a good person, Tony. You’re trying to do good things, but executed them incorrectly, that’s all.” She softly touched his cheek, “Let us help you.”</p><p>The billionaire thought a million answers, different ways to tell them to leave, that he wasn’t worth their efforts… But, oddly enough, Tony found that all those answers were said in his father’s voice. Howard Stark hadn’t been a good father to him, and now Tony was suffering because of it – his family was suffering because of it. He clenched his eyes shut, as Tony pushed those thoughts away. No, he wasn’t going to purposely mess this up, not again. Not this time…</p>
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